Dan Brown’s ‘Totalmente Morte’ Dead Battery Puzzle Car
What shall we do today?
Our last full day in Italy, on Lake Maggiore’s Isola del Pescatori (or Island of the Fishermen), and last full day on the shore side town of Stresa, Italy, was meant to be spent wandering and shopping, testing gelato and cheese-less pizza, hitting a few ATMs up for cash...all while we vibrated from the Italian Espresso served at every corner - even when it’s 84 degrees outside. So, we took our time at breakfast, had an easy walk to the ferry, and headed over to Stresa.
As they say, “we plan and God laughs”..
Before we hit the shops, we thought, eh, we should probably feed the meter for the car lot where we’d parked our car before getting on the ferry. So, we got the ticket dispensed from the machine, and I bounced down the brick pavers to the car and pressed the button on the fob that looked like an unlocked lock...nothing. I hit it again; nothing. At this point, I noticed the car was actually more like a giant silver egg than a car...no way in, no way out...without the cooperation of the electronic fob and the computer in the car. I began to feel the back of my neck sweating...crap, we’re locked out of our own car!!
I couldn’t believe that the US TSA allowed me to fly with my small work screwdriver in my wallet, but there it was, so I used it to take apart the fob...checked the coin battery by squinting at it, put it back and tried again. Not even a click...silence. It was disturbingly quiet…
“Dad!! Call the leasing agent...we have a problem!” At least we weren’t in space and calling Houston, so that was a good thing.
A few minutes later, we were told there was a brass key inside the fob, like a security-candy filling for us to use in just this case. I took the fob apart - again - and found the brass key inside, but there was no key hole! Listen, like it or not, the old expression is always true: There’s a lock for every key, but in this case, there was just a shiny silver handle that refused to talk to me.
Dad, who was talking to the leasing agent; suddenly said, “Do what…? Pry the cover off?? What cover?” Cover...hmmm. She might mean the cover on the drivers door, that had two mysterious dents in it like a secret Dan Brown code! I pulled out my IT screw-driver and ever so gently pryed at the handle cover...POP! It came off in my hand!! But what was that underneath it…?? There was the keyhole!!!
I inserted the small brass key into the keyhole and heard the joyous sound of a car door surrendering to me, and suddenly I was inside the car! Yep, I was inside the car just long enough to see that the entire thing was dead.
“Dad!! Tell the leasing agent we need a jump...or a new battery!”
And so, like magic, 2 hours later, and a little bit of a nap on hot brick pavers as you see above... a mechanic (who is like water in the desert to a stranded motorist) showed up with a charging battery pack and lo-and-behold...the car came to life...lights came on, the user panel light up and the engine turned over...sounding for all the world like a symphony of relief to my exhausted ears.
“Vay! (Drive!) Vay! (Drive!) Vay! (Drive!)” the mechanic said, who spoke, “Zero English” and so we did...for almost an hour, up and down the lake, to help charge the battery, which apparently, sat too long without being started and run for a bit; taking in the view...both of us wishing for an Auto Parts Store or a Walmart to emerge out of the hillside.
Alas, neither one appeared, so I might just head over to the little church next door and say a prayer for our car battery. Y’all can say one too, if you like...
